As i've been thinking and contemplating, the school year is coming at a rapid pace. And i should be excited right? it's my senior year!! i have to make the best of it. Its weird to say i'll be 18 next year. i thought i'd never reach that age. Some people tell me "Oh you've grown up so much." yeah i guess thats what you do in life, i couldn't stop it. I feel so weird to be thinking about college, so many big decisions ahead of me. its hard to think the decisions you make now will affect the rest of your life. But i guess i feel like i'm being pulled both ways. In some ways, its true i don't want to grow up and have to think about what the heck i'm going to do with my life. I love hanging out with my parents on friday and saturday nights. In another way i feel its time to move on. There are single adults in our ward that can be going to the singles ward, and they just chose to stay in our home ward. I want them to move on, and get on with their life. But if that was me, i guess i would feel the same way. Things will change when i graduate, it'll be tough to get used to. But its life, things change and people change, this past school year, i realized one of my good friends isn't who i thought she was. It breaks my heart to see her going through horrible situations. It is hard not to be there for her, but we all have to let go sooner or later.
I've also been hanging around my sister too much. She comes down to visit with her two girls, i like to 'practice' my parenting on them. haha, i took a child development class in school, and boy oh boy school doesn't teach you about reality. It's hard tending kids, my sister's kids are so different from the kids i babysit. It's a full-time job having kids. I told my mom in quote "I'm waiting a while before i have kids". But then i bite my lip and say "NO!" i do want kids, but you just have to put up with their tantrums and their needs and whines and cries, sure it might even make you cry. That is the joy in parenting i guess. . . So i'm excited for the dating scene, sure whatever! bring it on! But the baby in the baby carriage right after marriage will wait. . .
For now i try in wrestle on how i will get a job. To pay for a dang car, and gas money. For school activities and to save for college.
Having a life sucks sometimes. . .
But its time to grow up and move on. It's time for a change. It's time for something new.
And i will be grateful, i have the best role models in my life, and i'm sealed to them for time and all eternity. Thank You!
Wish me luck as i job search. (:
xoxox
Mariah
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